Download PDF by Niobe Way: Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection

By Niobe Way

ISBN-10: 0674046641

ISBN-13: 9780674046641

“Boys are emotionally illiterate and don’t wish intimate friendships.” during this empirically grounded problem to our stereotypes approximately boys and males, Niobe approach unearths the serious intimacy between teenage boys particularly in the course of early and heart formative years. Boys not just proportion their inner most secrets and techniques and emotions with their closest male neighbors, they declare that with out them they might cross “wacko.” but as boys turn into males, they develop into distrustful, lose those friendships, and suppose remoted and alone.Drawing from hundreds and hundreds of interviews carried out all through formative years with black, Latino, white, and Asian American boys, Deep secrets and techniques unearths the ways that we have now been telling ourselves a fake tale approximately boys, friendships, and human nature. Boys’ descriptions in their male friendships sound extra like “something out of affection tale than Lord of the Flies.” but in overdue formative years, boys believe they need to “man up” via turning into stoic and self reliant. weak feelings and intimate friendships are for women and homosexual males. “No homo” turns into their mantra.These findings are alarming, given what we all know approximately hyperlinks among friendships and health and wellbeing, or even toughness. instead of a “boy crisis,” means argues that boys are experiencing a “crisis of connection” simply because they dwell in a tradition the place human wishes and capacities are given a intercourse (female) and a sexuality (gay), and therefore discouraged in the event you are neither. method argues that the answer lies with exposing the inaccuracies of our gender stereotypes and fostering those severe relationships and basic human abilities. (20110411)

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Extra info for Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection

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76 In his book about men’s friendships, Stuart Miller notes how often his colleagues told him that his topic sounded like it was about homosexuality. Miller writes: “I couldn’t believe [their] reactions. ’”77 Yet even those who study boys and men draw a link between emotional expression, vulnerability, and sexual orientation. Sitting in a conference room with my graduate students at New York University, I tell a story of a boy who, at seven, told me that he thought he was good at understanding his best friends’ feelings.

76 In his book about men’s friendships, Stuart Miller notes how often his colleagues told him that his topic sounded like it was about homosexuality. Miller writes: “I couldn’t believe [their] reactions. ’”77 Yet even those who study boys and men draw a link between emotional expression, vulnerability, and sexual orientation. Sitting in a conference room with my graduate students at New York University, I tell a story of a boy who, at seven, told me that he thought he was good at understanding his best friends’ feelings.

As a doctoral student in counseling psychology at the Graduate School of Education at Harvard University during the late 1980s, I spent hours counseling students at a local urban public high school. Each week, I would listen to teenagers talk about their struggles and attempts to cope with heartbreaks and betrayals. The most obvious discovery of my counseling years was that friendships were critical components of girls’ and boys’ lives. The adolescents spent hour upon hour talking to me about 38 I N V E S T I G AT I N G B O Y S , F R I E N D S H I P S , A N D H U M A N N AT U R E the joys, fears, pain, pleasure, and anger they experienced in their close same-sex friendships.

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Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection by Niobe Way


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